Proactive Mental Health Strategies for Adults and Kids | feat. Tiffaney Holm
The BIO Girls Podcast
Mental Health Awareness Month
Featuring: Tiffaney Holm
May is Mental Health Awareness Month.
At BIO Girls, we are committed to helping girls learn about and improve their mental wellness. In fact, mental wellness is one of the four key pillars of the BIO Girls program. During the month of May, BIO Girls Director of Programming and Research, Beth Salafia, will be discussing mental health and wellness topics that are relevant to parents and adolescents in our community. To learn more about BIO Girls visit www.biogirls.org.
Thank you to our friends at Bell Bank for making our 2024 Mental Health Awareness Month series possible!
Season 3, Ep. 3
Proactive Mental Health Strategies for Adults and Kids
Meet Our Episode Guests:
Tiffaney Holm is the Director of Learning and Development at RDO Equipment, where she creates learning and development opportunities for leaders and individual contributors, all designed to drive high levels of performance, engagement, and retention. Tiffaney joined the BIO Girls Board of Directors in 2022 and previously served on the board of directors for Imagine Thriving and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, North Dakota Chapter. Tiffaney is here to talk with us about the importance of asking for help and getting help when you need it.
About The Episode:
Dive deep with Tiffaney Holm as we unravel the stigma behind mental health and explore proactive strategies for both adults and children. Tiffaney sheds light on harnessing resources for support and the power of opening up. Tune in for an empowering dialogue on mental well-being!
Listen to the full episode, on Spotify:
A powerful takeaway:
“The first time you reach out for help, it might not be the right person. They may not be equipped to be able to support you the way you need to, but don't stop asking.”
– Tiffaney Holm
Show Notes:
Dr. Beth Salafia
00:04
Hi everyone. I'm here today with Tiffaney Holm. Tiffaney is the Director of learning and development at RDO Equipment where she creates learning and development opportunities for leaders and individual contributors, all designed to drive high levels of performance and engagement and retention. Tiffaney joined the BIO Girls Board of Directors in 2022 and previously served on the board of directors for Imagine Thriving and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, North Dakota Chapter. Tiffaney is here to talk with us about the importance of asking for help and getting help when you need it. Thanks for being here with us, Tiffaney.
Tiffaney Holm
00:38
Thank you so much for having me.
Dr. Beth Salafia
00:40
My pleasure. Just to give our listeners a little bit of background, unfortunately, mental illnesses are extremely common in the United States, more than one in five individuals, and that's adults and youth currently have or have had a mental illness even more than that, experience a mental health crisis or suffer from symptoms of depression and anxiety. Despite these huge numbers, less than half of these individuals received mental health services in the past year, rates of youth receiving care are even less than adults. So this, these are shocking numbers here. And that brings me to my first question for you, Tiffaney. Why do you think the numbers of people seeking help for mental health are so low?
Tiffaney Holm
01:27
So, it's a great question and it's unfortunate when you talk about the number of people that you know, maybe have a diagnosis or go undiagnosed versus the number that are actually seeking help. I would say first and foremost, the number one reason would probably be that there is still a stigma around the need to get help, the asking for help. You know, whether it's seen as a sign of weakness, whether people are ashamed to talk to other people about it. I think there's still a lot of that, unfortunately in our society of people just, you know, feeling shame, feeling like they shouldn't have this problem and shouldn't need help for these problems. So I think that's probably part of it. Sometimes I think, especially when it comes to children not knowing who to go to for help or how to ask for help and, and even just the comfort level of approaching your parents when maybe you are struggling for a long period of time or,you know, maybe it's even a short period of time. But I think there's probably just a certain level of uncomfortness the younger you get to in approaching these topics. For sure.
Dr. Beth Salafia
02:36
Yeah, definitely. And I know I've been talking to a few other podcasters and although the stigma is still there, we've seen some evidence of improvement especially with regard to children. Like, I think back to when I was young and our school counselors were there for academic counseling, they were there to make sure that your grades were good, that you weren't creating trouble, that you were getting into college. But now it seems like in our schools, at least as overwhelmed as our counselors are, they're going into the classroom and they're talking about mental health and wellness and things like that. Have you seen other evidence of things improving in terms of the stigma or helping our children become aware of mental health?
Tiffaney Holm
03:20
Yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, you mentioned the counselors being really quite overwhelmed with their workload already with academic counseling and then add the emotional and mental health situations for many young children. And I think their workload becomes even greater. I think there's a lot being done even with teachers outside of the school counselors to help educate them and signs and symptoms to look for or when to approach children as well. So I think there's a lot of education being done across the schools and then I think, you know, programming that's available, I'm just going to mention BIO Girls since that's how we were connected. But you know, I think with there being a focus around mental health, I think kids are getting better about talking about it and recognizing that it's okay and that they're not alone. And so I think, you know, the more programming that we can offer and you know, I've done a lot of speaking in schools in the past as well, in other boards that I've served. I think schools are doing a great job in bringing in outside resources as well. So I think it's definitely picking up momentum, which is great. But I think we still have a long way to go as well.
Dr. Beth Salafia
04:34
Yeah, I agree. And that kind of brings me to our next question. So Tiffaney, how can we move even farther forward towards normalizing, let's say, talking to others about the struggles that we face? So really like seeking out counseling or just talking to people about it. How can we normalize that and move away from the stigma?
Tiffaney Holm
04:58
I think the key thing that you said there is just talking about it. I think the more people start to talk about it openly, freely, you know, I've been honestly just blown away within the last few months and some of the things that I've been sharing about counseling and therapy within our own family and the number of parents that I have talked to who have started counseling for their young children, not because there's maybe some immediate concern, but just to normalize it is really powerful to me. Yeah. And they want to create this space early on for children to feel like it's okay to go to this adult and I want you to have another place to talk to in case there comes a day where you don't feel safe saying it to me for whatever reason that may be. Maybe it's, they just don't want to see their parents hurting.
Tiffaney Holm
05:52
And so providing that space, but I think it takes us all talking more openly and more freely about it to normalize it and to make it an okay thing. And I think we're seeing more of that. But I mean, like I said, just as of recently, you know, in talking about preparing for this podcast and talking to some other parents, I was genuinely shocked at how many people said to me, oh, my daughter sees somebody, or my daughter sees somebody for anxiety. Or, we're just trying to get her somebody to talk to as she gets into adolescence, as she's as a teenager, and we know what's ahead. And so it's been really refreshing to hear so many parents taking a proactive approach Yeah. Versus reactive.
Dr. Beth Salafia
06:37
Yeah. Yeah, definitely. There are two things that kind of stuck out to me as you were talking. One is I just, I think it's so wonderful that parents are getting their kids in to talk. It's such an early age, like that's wonderful. It's already normalizing it, it's making it okay. It's setting that relationship, that trusted adult. And so that's amazing and I would highly recommend that to everyone. The second thing that kind of stood out to me as you were talking was the fact that you were surprised, like when you were talking to parents and they're like, oh yeah, you know, my daughter, my son, whoever is, you know, we take them to a counselor, so it's still not known. Like you had to start talking about it for it to come out. You know, so like it's still kind of like they're okay doing it, but maybe they're not okay broadcasting it to everyone else. And I don't know if that's, maybe it's just never come up in conversation, but is that something we should, you know, be concerned about too?
Tiffaney Holm
07:39
Yeah, I mean, I think, so I think there's still this want and need to, as a parent to protect your child. And so I think there's just, you know, when it comes up organically, it's often because we're sharing and we're being a little bit vulnerable anyway in some of the things that we're experiencing in our kids' schools. And, you know, whether it's comments that are being made or feelings being hurt or anxiety being higher as schoolwork, it's more challenging. And I think we're just being a little bit more vulnerable in those conversations that we're having with other parents that that's when it comes out. And I think there's still, you know, this need as a parent to protect your child and you don't want them to be seen as somebody that's needing extra help. But the way that we're formulating these conversations in such a way that it's really more about giving them a safe space and a platform and a way to get some of these emotions out where I may not be able to navigate all of that and somebody who can help me navigate those conversations. And I think the more we start to talk about it, the more other people then begin to open up too. So it's an interesting dynamic I think, between wanting to be open and spreading the message that it's okay to do these things balanced with how do I protect my child though? So I don't like share everything with everyone about them either because I wanna protect their feelings as well.
Dr. Beth Salafia
09:07
For sure. That is like a perfect segue to question that has to do with, with kids and what, so you have a daughter and what, what do kids today think about counseling and is it a normal experience for them? Or if not, like how can we help normalize that experience for them?
Tiffaney Holm
09:33
Yeah, so it's a great question and I like moment of truth here. I would tell you that how my daughter feels about going depends on the week. I mean, there are times that's where she is upset with me that she's going or doesn't wanna be there. And there are other days where she's excited about it. She probably doesn't verbalize that she's excited about it 'cause she's a tween, right. But I think if we're being totally honest with ourselves, they're a majority of the time, they're not overly ecstatic about being taken out of an activity or taken out of other fun things that may be happening in their life to go and sit down and talk with a counselor. But I think once she is done and leaves the session, there's a little sense of relief or things that she was able to talk about. We spend a lot of time in her sessions with coping mechanism and breathing techniques. But I mean, if I'm being truly honest with you and anyone else who may be listening, she's not always thrilled about having to go. But I think when she's done it's, it's for the best for sure.
Dr. Beth Salafia
10:39
Yeah. And I mean, long term it's setting her up for success later, you know, it's setting her up for being okay talking to people later when she maybe needs it or just wants it craves it. I don't know. So it might not be in the moment where we feel the appreciation for that. Yep. But down the road you can see the benefits to it. I mean, and it's, you know, maybe it's not making her happy in the moment, but in the long term we're gonna see those, some positive results come out of that.
Tiffaney Holm
11:13
For sure. For sure. And I see her applying things that she's learned too. And you know, there's, I mentioned the breathing techniques, but when we're talking about anxiety and whether it's from sports or schools or friends, I see her practicing some of those breathing techniques when I tell her, you know, let's take a deep breath, what have we learned? And so those are things she'll, she'll carry on with her into her adulthood. So, but yeah, I, I just, I appreciate that she's getting comfortable with the idea and knows that she will have this space if and when the time comes when there's something more serious or something that she's really struggling with, we've normalized it for her ahead of time. Right
Dr. Beth Salafia
11:53
Right. And you've equipped her with the tools, you know, like she has a tool belt or her toolkit. Yeah, for sure. So she has those breathing techniques, those calming strategies and those, those will last a lifetime too. Okay. My next question for you is, when should someone seek counseling support?
Tiffaney Holm
12:12
Yeah, so I would say, you know, it's gonna vary for a lot of people, but when we're talking about children specifically, I think a lot of it sometimes gets chalked up to just, oh, they're a teenager or, you know, this is a stage that they're going through. I think though, when the valleys become bigger than the peaks, it's time to just take a step back and go, I think this is maybe something more than just a moment in time and something we're gonna get through. And, and I think nobody should have to feel alone in any of that. Whether it is just a moment or it's a darker valley, I think just taking a step back and going, how can I make this better? And if I'm not equipped to do that, is there somebody else that we should get involved to help? And going back to what we were talking about in the very beginning, recognizing that there's no shame in that. And I think as parents, we sometimes think we have to have all the answers and we should be able to fix everything. And that's just not the reality. And knowing when it is time to get other resources and to get help in other ways is really, really important. And I am not saying that there aren't gonna be moments where it 100% is just adolescence and growing pains in those types of things, but being able to recognize and understanding your children and yourself and knowing when it's time.
Dr. Beth Salafia
13:38
Yeah, I was gonna ask you, and I think you kind of hit on it already, but I'll leave it open for you if you wanna add anything. So does age matter, is it ever too young or are you ever too old to get counseling or seek counseling support?
Tiffaney Holm
13:56
Oh gosh, I don't think so. I really don't, you know, I was just talking to my daughter's primary care about some of this stuff and we were just having a really great conversation and the ages she was sharing of, you know, when signs and symptoms of, of mental health and mental illness show up in children is shockingly young. And so I think that's where just having an awareness when you start to see behavior changes or mood changes or withdrawals and those types of things, and recognizing that there may be something else going on and approaching the conversation and not seeing it as some sort of parental failure, but really just an opportunity to help and to support and see what you need to do to help. But I think, you know, whether it's starting young or you know, or whether you're older, I think therapy, even the older you get, I think is probably extremely rewarding and beneficial for a variety of different reasons. Mainly more experiences, life experiences and different types of stress come with age, of course. But I don't think that there's should be any sort of age limitation on people getting help.
Dr. Beth Salafia
15:11
Yeah, I agree. And I just, before I ask the next question, I just wanted to reiterate what you said about parents not viewing it as a failure if their child is in seeing a counselor. And that, I think that's really important to just repeat what you said about that because I think so often we as parents might blame ourselves for whatever happens with our kids, but there is no blame to be had, you know, it's not, you know, talking to someone or seeing a counselor is not a negative. And so there's no reason to put blame on anyone for that.
Tiffaney Holm
15:54
Absolutely, absolutely.
Dr. Beth Salafia
15:56
Okay. How would you encourage someone who experiences a struggle or crisis to get the support they need?
Tiffaney Holm
16:05
So I guess a few different things. One of the things that I've always said to people is that the first time you reach out for help, it might not be the right person that you go to. And I think that's so important to say, because you may be disappointed in the reaction they get. They may not be equipped to help you. It may be one of your closest friends, it may be one of your, you know, closest colleagues, whatever that looks like. And at the end of the day, they may not be equipped to be able to support you the way you need to, but don't stop asking. So then I think you just, you have to find somebody else or you have to, you know, reach out to somebody else. I would say, you know, for adults and for those who are working, I think one of the best resources you can look into is your employer's EAP, your employee assistance program.
Tiffaney Holm
16:57
Often there are free resources, including counseling services available through your employer. Look into it, see what that entails. It could be teleservice, it could be in person, but I think a lot of people don't utilize those resources and they're incredible. And so I would encourage starting there if that's not an option, you know, searching in your community. I know in the Fargo Morehead area, there's resources available, there’s free resources available. There's even resources where, you know, you can pay on a sliding scale if it's a financial situation that's preventing you from getting the help you need. But I do know, you know, when I talk to parents in particular, we're really quick to take care of our children and if they need help, we're willing to pay whatever it takes to get them the help.
Tiffaney Holm
17:54
And we're less likely to make the same investment in ourself. And I would just say that you're worth it too. You know, you're worth feeling good inside and what is that saying you can't pour from an empty cup. I think making sure we're taking care of ourselves so we can take care of our loved ones is critical too. So I think there's a lot of resources out there. I think the first thing is acknowledging that there are resources available and what, what's best for one person may look different for another person. And so finding out what works best for you and then seeing what options you have in the community. And you may not, like I said, you may not strike gold the first time. You may not get the, the best counselor for you, but find somebody else, then don't, don't just give up. It's like car shopping. Find what works for you and what's best for you and, and then stick with it.
Dr. Beth Salafia
18:48
Yeah, that's really great advice. And I think, you know, recommending that you turn to your employee handbook or, you know, wherever those resources are, like I don't, I wouldn't even think about that as my first step, you know, so I think that's a lot, that's a misstep that a lot of us might have. In thinking about children though, and finding resources or starting to look for support for our children, where would you recommend looking for support for our, our kids?
Tiffaney Holm
19:22
Sure. So I feel like I should preface this by saying, and maybe I should have started with this, I am not a medical professional. This is just a topic that I am extremely passionate about and has an impact on me personally and my family in a lot of different ways. So I enjoy talking about it. But I think, I think for me, when we're talking about getting help for children, even starting with your primary care provider, I know I had just mentioned that we had talked to ours recently and they had readily available a three page document of local resources for help and also suggested some local communities including BIO Girls programming. And so, you know, most children, especially if they're getting their annual checkups, have a primary care provider. I would start there and see maybe as a first step and you know, they've been visiting with your child as well. They may be able to point you in the right direction if it's a psychologist or just a counselor, I think they can help with a lot of ways. And then, you know, and I said this before, but even just checking to see what your employer may offer as it relates to these types of services as well. Yeah,
Dr. Beth Salafia
20:34
I'd just like to add to that. I think that your pediatricians primary care, they want to do that for you. They want to help you, right? Yes. They wanna give you those resources. And I know I have a couple of friends and acquaintances that are in the medical field and they try really hard to provide for their patients, and they don't, they want to be that resource for you. So of course they, they'll help, they'll give you recommendations and there's no judgment involved on their part either. So it's something that they enjoy doing and it's part of their job to, you know, develop that wellness in our kids. So that doesn't just mean physical wellness, that means emotional and mental health wellness as well.
Tiffaney Holm
21:23
Absolutely. Yep.
Dr. Beth Salafia
21:26
Okay. So my next question has to do with children and parents as well. So when it comes to kids, some parents don't think that their children have, and I'm doing air quotes, not that anyone can see problems that need help or support, or that they're not old enough to have mental health problems. And so we've talked a little bit about this, but what would you say to those families who, you know, like maybe don't wanna admit that there's a difficulty or that their kids can't possibly be old enough to feel a certain way or experience a a certain thing?
Tiffaney Holm
22:05
You know, I'd probably start honestly just by with some empathy though too, because it's hard. It's really hard. And I think I, you know, if there is any sort of, and I hate to use the word denial because it sounds so harsh, but it's really, really hard as a parent to admit that your child may be struggling and maybe dealing with some of this stuff that I think I would maybe just start by saying, you know, that I understand how hard this is and how difficult this must be for you. And then I would probably just ask some questions like, how long has this been going on? What types of feelings and emotions are you experiencing or are they experiencing and are they socializing with their friends? Have you noticed any changes in their behavior? And how long has that been happening? I think just trying to better understand the situation before I jump to a lot of conclusions because everybody's situation is so different that I don't want anybody to feel attacked for not doing the right thing immediately either.
Tiffaney Holm
23:12
But I think just trying to get them to understand that it doesn't have to be this way either. And I think that's, for me, when I think about my own life experiences and anxiety and dealing with depression and the things that I felt and, and the behaviors that I demonstrated, I don't want anybody to feel that. And I, you know, and I think it's important that we recognize that children are capable of feeling those things too, but they're not quite as equipped as we are yet with dealing with it. And, and so by not allowing them the opportunity to explore getting help is really just doing them a disservice because of whatever shame, guilt, fear we may have towards it because at the end of the day, I think we just, we just want everybody to feel good and we want everybody to be happy. And, you know, life isn't always gonna be rainbows and unicorns and sunshine, but it doesn't always have to be darkness either. And so I think helping people see the, see the light and getting them the help that they need. And I think for parents, it's just acknowledging, you know, the, the air quotes, they're, they're not perfect, but what are we gonna do to help them feel better?
Dr. Beth Salafia
24:34
And to realize too that there is no harm in talking to someone, right? There is no harm in going to a counselor and talking about your feelings, your experiences. Right.
Tiffaney Holm
24:49
Yep.
Dr. Beth Salafia
24:51
Okay, well my, that brings me to my last question and it's kind of twofold. So I'll start with the first part. What are some tips that you would recommend for taking care of your own mental health? So you talked a little bit about, you know, like being self compassionate and taking care of your own mental health before you're able to even help others. So what are some tips that you would recommend for doing so?
Tiffaney Holm
25:14
Sure. I would say creating space for yourself. You know, as adults we're really busy with work and activities and kids' schedules and sports and all of the things. And it's overwhelming. And I think just making space for yourself, even if it's five minutes, whatever you need of alone time, if you can get that to create some space for yourself, I think is important. I think teaching yourself to say no so that you're not overwhelming yourself. You're not taking on more than you can, you're not signing up for one more camp that you can't get to or you can't afford right now, or whatever that looks like. You know, the ability to allow yourself to say no. I think, and I mentioned this a couple times, but breathing as silly as it sounds, there's so many health benefits to taking some deep breaths and, you know, whether you have an app on your phone that will make sure you do it and count to 10 and breathe in and breathe out, but breathing is really important to grounding yourself too.
Tiffaney Holm
26:22
I think those are some of the big ones. I think the other one, and I know I already said this too, but if you ask for help and you don't like the first response you get from somebody, ask again, ask someone else and, you know, find your person, whether that's a counselor or a friend. Find somebody who understands and will give you what you need in those moments. And I think the other, maybe the only other thing I would say is just giving yourself some grace. No one's perfect. Yeah. We're not perfect parents, we're not perfect employees. And allowing yourself an opportunity to make mistakes, learn from your mistakes, and then just move forward.
Dr. Beth Salafia
26:59
Yeah, absolutely. Those are great pieces of advice. So my, the second part of my question here then is what are some tips you recommend for taking care of your child's mental health?
Tiffaney Holm
27:10
Oh my gosh. All of the same things.
Dr. Beth Salafia
27:13
Well, that was easy. Yeah,
Tiffaney Holm
27:15
Truly. I mean, I think the, the breathing is just as important and there's some really fun exercises. You can teach kids for breathing. I'm sure if you google 'em, there's, you know, there's a butterfly one, there's the hand on your heart. So there's fun things you can teach for children to learn to start breathing. I think, you know, one of the things with my daughter and I, she will look at me and she will say, I just need a couple minutes to be alone. And I give her that space to sort through whatever she's going through and I don't interrupt her and I give her that quiet time. And whether she's breathing or reading or whatever that may look like, but same thing, not overwhelming them with activities, not piling too much on their plate and giving them grace the same way we're gonna give ourselves some grace. You know, they aren't quite ready to learn how to cope with all of their big emotions. So give them some grace too.
Dr. Beth Salafia
28:06
Yeah, those are great, great tips. Thank you for sharing. Well, Tiffaney, I just, I'd really like to say thank you so much for being here. I appreciate this conversation. I think it's really helpful to, I mean, it's helpful to me and I'm sure it's helpful to all of, of our listeners out there too. So thank you for that.
Tiffaney Holm
28:24
Yeah, thank you Beth, for having me. It's a privilege and an honor, honestly, I love talking about this stuff and being a part of it, so I hope that I shed some, some light, some help for someone out there.
Dr. Beth Salafia
28:36
Oh yeah, definitely. And I think there are some really important pieces that we can take away and some strategies that we can use to help ourselves and to help our loved ones. So I think it's been great. And I would also like to say that I appreciate your authenticity and your vulnerability with us. I think it's really nice that you are open and willing to share about your experiences and provide some advice for the rest of us.
Tiffaney Holm
29:01
Of course, yes. Thank you.
Dr. Beth Salafia
29:03
So before we officially say goodbye, is there anything else that you'd like our listeners to know or something you'd like to le leave our listeners with?
Tiffaney Holm
29:13
I think the last thing I would say is that you're not alone. So whether it's struggles that you're having as a parent and your child, maybe it's your own personal struggles, I promise you there is at least one other person out there who's feeling the same way and you're not alone.
Dr. Beth Salafia
29:30
Yeah, that's, that's a great last message. Thank you.
Tiffaney Holm
29:34
You bet.
Dr. Beth Salafia
29:35
Thanks a lot for being with us, Tiffaney.
Tiffaney Holm
29:37
Thank you.