How to Raise an Adventurous Eater
“When she was younger she used to eat everything. Now she refuses to eat if I buy the wrong brand of chicken nuggets!”
“Mealtime is so stressful. She just won’t eat!”
“I cook 3 meals every night for our family of four! It’s exhausting.”
Picky eating is one of the most common concerns parents have at well-child visits. Most families eat three meals per day (plus snacks!), and fights about food can really suck the joy out of the precious time that families spend together. Parents know kids should eat protein, fruit and vegetables; they just don’t know how to get them to do it! Fortunately, although these struggles are common, they are not insurmountable, and with time and patience kids can learn to eat a variety of healthy foods with minimal resistance.
To raise an adventurous eater, BE an adventurous eater! Kids are smart. If you serve your daughter grilled shrimp and kale for dinner while you sneak boxed mac and cheese in the corner, she will notice! Lead by example. Eat a healthy, varied diet, and normalize trying new and different foods.
One meal, one family. Parents should avoid the trap of becoming short order cooks by making a special meal for each family member. Mealtime with younger kids should come with a division of responsibility. A parent’s job is to buy the food, prepare the food and serve the food. That’s it! That’s more than enough work! The child’s role is to decide if they are going to eat the food or not, and how much. Avoid power struggles by allowing not eating (or eating very little) as an option, and accept your child’s choice cheerfully. This teaches kids to be flexible, and makes them more likely to try new foods, especially if they are hungry and there is no other option. It is also a good opportunity to teach manners (i.e. No saying “Gross!” at the dinner table!).
Limit snacks, and remember snacks aren’t treats. A common complaint is that children want to snack all day and then refuse to eat dinner. Kids who only eat snacks usually do so either because they are snacking incessantly and are therefore not hungry at mealtime, or because they prefer snack food to the generally more nutritious food served for meals. Most kids do need to eat outside of traditional meal time to fuel their bodies throughout the day, but the snacking need not be continuous nor low in nutritional value. Limit snacks to designated times, and offer healthy foods to sustain kids in between meals. Remember that hunger is the best spice—if your child is hungry for dinner, she will be much more likely to eat what you serve.
Persistence. Studies have shown that kids have to see a new food 10-20 times before they are willing to try it. Just because your child refused the asparagus you served last night doesn’t mean you have to take it off the menu completely. Offer foods over and over, and for older kids, I encourage a taste of a new food before refusing. Some families call this a no thank you bite. I like the phrase, one bite without a fight!
Manage your expectations. Keep in mind that a normal serving size for a child is probably much, much smaller than you think it should be. Kids, especially young ones, also have variable appetites—today she might eat more than you, tomorrow she might eat 3 grapes. That is normal! If your child is developing typically and growing well (talk to your child’s doctor if you are concerned), you can trust her to listen to her body and not worry if she only takes 2 bites of her dinner.
Remember the whys. Most kids prefer foods that are high in fat, salt, and sugar. While no foods should be completely off-limits, it is important to remember that what kids like is not necessarily what is best for them, and it is our job as adults to help them to make healthy choices. Good nutrition is essential for optimal growth, brain development, and immune function. Kids who develop healthy eating habits when they are young grow up to be adults who are less likely to develop heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. Beyond physical health, multiple studies have shown a correlation between food and mood, with diets high in sugar and processed foods predisposing people to depression and mental illness. Finally, extremely picky eaters can suffer socially, as a highly restrictive diet might prevent a younger child from going to a friend’s house for a sleepover, or a young adult from going to a fancy restaurant for a job interview, for fear that no preferred foods will be served.
Change is tough, but so are you! Kids don’t like change. A child who is used to having cereal every night for dinner is not going to be thrilled when it is no longer an option. There will be tears and refusal. But I have never admitted a child to the hospital for starvation because she couldn’t have cereal or mac and cheese for supper. To take the sting out of the change, include at least one preferred food, such as fruit or a piece of bread, each time you serve a meal. Most kids adapt within two or three weeks, and although change is tough, you should feel confident that you are making the right choice for your child’s health.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. These tips will work for most families, but some situations are particularly challenging and will require additional support. If you are worried about your child’s growth, health, or nutritional status, don’t hesitate to reach out to your pediatrician. Families deserve to enjoy nutritious meals together without fighting about food. Your doctor can help provide you with resources to make that happen.
Dr. Becca Bakke
Pediatrician
Sanford Health
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